What I see, and how I feel

[+Veritas]

To the player base I have enjoyed serving, and everyone else…

The majority of the 303 days here at Excelsior have been great. +Colibri is a great guy to work with, his patience is unparalleled. +Rayne is amazing as well. She has been the most helpful with me in teaching me the basics, all the way to the skills I have acquired most recently that I apply toward attempting large scale events. +Hina, +Cherub, and +Aphrodite are also crucial members of the staff. They do so much work. These staff members are huge assets to this shard, you have no idea what they do for you and how long and hard they have to work to do it.

I have been using the knowledge I have been given on working behind the scenes for some larger scale projects for some time now. I have messed up a lot of things within them, and had to learn from these mistakes by going back and fixing them. Also, I realize that even when these projects make it to the public, there will be even more issues to deal with when they are used continuously by you, the players. So, when something is added, it is never done. Things need tweaking and readjusting in order to maintain balance and function. I know this, and we staff know this when we think about how to better the shard, or change something for novelty or challenging purposes. We also listen to you and your opinions, even when we don’t reply to your forum posts, or deliver the service you paged for without *poofing* in to say “Hi.” We realize that while we have the power over what happens here, we need to use that power to deliver new stimuli and provide services to maintain your happiness and enjoyment of the shard. We know this, regardless of what some of you think you might know.

Now, with that being said I have some thoughts to share. Bear with me, for this is a purge as much as it is a wakeup call to those who need it. There will be a lot of “me” and “I” in what I have to say, but that is because I am speaking on my feelings and not of the feelings of other staff and players. I am by no means targeting everyone on this shard, it is absolutely vital that you realize that. So, for those of you who are low key and are relatively up-and-coming, to the powerful vets and hard hitters of the shard who are outstanding members of the community and are respectful to other shard members, read this with comfort in knowing that I adore every second I get working for your entertainment and your gaming experience. For everyone else, I recommend you pay…very close attention.

I work, intern, and study for tests that I have coming up that will decide the acquisition of my career licensure. After that (and sometimes before), I log in and staff the shard and have lately been working behind the scenes to add content to make the player base happy and the young players less confused about how to start in the wonderful world of Excelsior. I enjoy/ed it, I enjoy/ed it a lot. Don’t ask me why I do, because as of recently I am having difficulty seeing the driving force behind it. I could do other things to pass the time, inside and outside of the shard. I don’t need to give you my time to help you, serve you, and spend hundreds of hours making things for you. If I had a player, I could be out making money and exploring. I could be spending more time studying. But, I decide to make things and run things, for you. For the most part, it is rewarding. I get may thanks and praises from players who enjoy what I take hours of planning, conceptualizing, and implementing to do. The majority of players are what keeps me going. So, please understand that I am saddened about what I feel compelled to say.

There is a lot of contempt out there for staff, contempt for staff that volunteer to give you a serviced and free gaming experience. I am not just referring to the events that recently transpired, but also past encounters and exchanges. It ranges from passive aggressive “I-get-the-last-word” pettiness to downright in-your-face, juvenile disrespect, and I am sick of it.

This does not include respectful requests for changes, additions, checking things, or idea sharing and difference of opinions. This includes, in addition to many other things, the expressed assumption that I don’t care about the masses and that staff doesn’t care. I am apparently out to mess with the players who join…just for fun! I dedicate my time, and rub my hands together and giggle at the opportunity to come on here for hours on end…to be unfair to you. I hold a townhall meeting, despite the warnings I get from other staff, to get a feel of thoughts and ideas, just to get some things straightened out for my understanding (since I didn’t know what was going on at the time). Then, I get internet cowboys playing hardball when walls are supposed to be torn down to reach an understanding.

I especially dig the nasty PMs from players during event days. You know, the big events that cause all the lag. I know, for some of you players who just can’t stand the 2 hours of lag every 720 hours (and that’s conservatively estimated at one every month, it’s been closer to every two months) it can just be absolutely excruciating and life altering. No really, I know it’s annoying. However, PMing me asking sarcastically “What was the point?” or complaining multiple times over global before you get out of your computer chair and stomp off is well, destructive. Destructive to me, and any other staff member watching who has even the slightest thought of spending a weekend prepping for something that 98% of the players will enjoy and 2% will lunge at the opportunity to shout their disgust for all to hear, since it is their right to be heard…and oh, they will make sure they are heard! *snort* Trust me, when you have a crowd of pleased…with one ass, you will remember the ass above all.

>Answers Page<

I just got a pm saying “You are wonderful v, plz don’t change.” It’s 2:33 AM (1/19), I have to get up at 6:30, and I am here writing this. I am writing this because I care and because I am pissed. I am willing to invest my time in expressing my feelings in some hope that one of the garden variety jerks will just “get it.” Sadly, while I appreciate the gesture, I will probably remember the next jerk for longer. Bed time for me, I will finish this in the morning…

- - -

Actually, it’s now after work…

I’m debating even posting this now. I figure, the players who are constantly disrespectful don’t care, so whatever…right? They got their freeshard, they have their voices to use against people who actually contribute, so that they can compensate for their deflated ego in real life. Behind the mask, accountability-free heroism and machismo…at its best.

I am taking a break from staffing this shard. This doesn’t mean I am leaving, but I think this is best for me because I do not wish to subject myself any longer to the current social issues, and get burnt out completely. I’m kinda sick of this display of total disregard for staff intentions, work, and the demonizing of those who are only trying to help improve your gaming experience.

Farewell, until later.

+V