wanna get 40 oints free? :)

[Amberly]

Ive decided that id like to hear some jokes
So submit some jokes, even corny ones cause while they might be just plain lame they still can put a smile on your face. Just remember to keep it clean since it IS a family shard! You can submit more than 1 just do it before Wed 9pm shard time. Ill be giving 40 oints to the joke i find the funniest and one runner up will receive a 200k check. Have fun, enjoy and thank you in advance to any participants.

[TheWatcher]

Two men try to jump the border into the US. They get through the fences and charge off into the desert. AFter 2 days of desert travel one says to the other, "john i dont think i can make it". "We will be fine greg," says the other. "I think i can smell bacon!"

They walk on for another day and the smell gets stronger. Both think they are imagining the smell until the come across a tree that has roasted pork legs, and bacon and ham hanging from it. "john! its a bacon tree" says greg. "ill go check it out!".

He aproaches the tree and starts to eat the bacon. Then 5 men jump out from behind the bush and start shooting greg.

"run John", greg screams. "Its not a bacon tree.... its hambush!" o.O

[Hanarg]

My favorite geek joke.

So this Atom walks into a bar and tells the bartender "Set me with a couple of shots Im having a rough day."

Bartender pours a couple of shots and asks " So you wanna tell me whats going on?"

The atom downs a shot looks at the bartender and says "I've lost an electron."

The bartender looks at him all amazed and asks "You sure?"

The atom replies after down another shot.....

"Yea, I'm positive."

If you dont get this joke check your junior high science book.

[Fiacha]

My favorite geek joke.

So this Atom walks into a bar and tells the bartender "Set me with a couple of shots Im having a rough day."

Bartender pours a couple of shots and asks " So you wanna tell me whats going on?"

The atom downs a shot looks at the bartender and says "I've lost an electron."

The bartender looks at him all amazed and asks "You sure?"

The atom replies after down another shot.....

"Yea, I'm positive."

If you dont get this joke check your junior high science book.

brilliant geeky joke I love it <3
brilliant geek joke I love it <3

[Gwendolyn]

A vampire bat flies into his home covered in blood...all the other vampire bats in the cave flip out and fly over to him all squawking

"Where did all that blood come from!?"

The bloodied bat squeeks

"None of your business!, leave me alone!"

But they squeak some more

"Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!"

so he relents and shows them. He flies out and leads them to a tree not too far away and says

"Do you see this tree?"

They all squeak furiously in return

"Yes yes yes! We see!"

and the bat responds

"Well I didn't on my way back...."

[BlaZe]

Nate and Rob, two friends since high school, have been working at a construction yard for the better part of the morning. They're loading up a lift when Nate spots a lever on the side of a granite boulder nearby. "Check this out Rob, have you ever noticed this lever?"

Rob glances over and replies, "Sure haven't, looks like there's a sign under it though," then continues to load the lift.

"Hey, look at that!" After reading the sign, Nate calls back, "Uhh.. Rob, you should come look at this."

Still carrying a small stack of 2x4 wood planks, Rob walks over and reads the sign:
FOR THE END OF DAYS, PULL LEVER

"Hmm, yeah something tells me this lever is nothing but trouble," Rob says. "I wouldn't touch it."

"Oh c'mon, you know you want to see what happens when its pulled," replies Nate.

"No, I don't - and you shouldn't either!"

"Whatever, I'm pulling it."

"Nate, I'm warning you.. we've been buddies for a long time, but if you try to pull that lever then I'm whacking you with these two-by-fours."

"Pfft.. you wouldn't dare," retorts Nate, and begins to reach for the lever.

"Don't do it!"

Nates fingers touch it, and... WHACK! Rob knocks him out cold.



The moral of the story?
Better Nate than lever!

[Hanarg]

Ok lets up the ante .... my grandmother told me this joke ... no kidding.

This little old bag lady was rummaging through some trash and finds what looks to be a magic lamp. Well she thinks it is pretty so she drops into her brocery basket and wheels her way back to her box under the bridge.

That evening as she is feeding her stray cats and herself off the stuff she found in the garbage that day, she pulls out the lamp and starts to wipe all the grime and dirt and stuff off of it.

Well sure enough CRASH LIGHTNING THUNDER SMOKE BOOM and there sits a big ole genie floating in the air. In a deep mysterious voice the genie says " For setting me free from the lamp I will grant you three wishes"

The old bag lady looks up and says "I wish I was young and beautiful again"

CRASH LIGHTNING THUNDER SMOKE BOOM

There she was 21 years old again and looking hotter than Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider.

The genie then speaks again "What is your second wish?"

The now hot, sexy, young bag lady says in a Marylin Monroe-esque voice, " I wish I was a rich and famous princess living a life of luxury in a castle."

CRASH LIGHTNING THUNDER SMOKE BOOM

There she is in a tower, gold and jewels everywhere, servants to take care of all her needs, reporters and TV crews outside just waiting for her next word, and all of her cats are around her, all clean and wearing little diamond collars, eating nothing but the freshest herring.

The genie looks at her and says "Chose carefully for this is your last wish."

The young beautiful pricncess thats was formerly the old bag lady looks around and thinks to herself I have almost everything I could ever want in life and says "Genie my last wish isnt for me it's for my old friend Whiskers here, he has been with me longer than any of my other pets and I want to do something for him. Genie I wish ole whiskers here was a young and handsome prince.

CRASH LIGHTNING THUNDER SMOKE BOOM and the genie is gone and standing beside our Princess is handsome stud of a guy somewhere bteween Brad Pitt and Russell Crowe.

Well now about this time the Prince aka Whiskers looks at the Princess and says .....

"Now dont you wish you hadn't had me neutered"

[Lust]

Here's my joke submission =D

The crime boss and his attorney meet with his accountant.
"Where's the $3 million you embezzled from me?" demands the gangster.
The accountant is silent.
"Where's my $3 million?" the crime boss shouts.
The lawyer explains, "Sir, the man is deaf. Allow me to translate."
So using sign language, the attorney asks the accountant about the money, and the message is relayed back that the accountant knows nothing about it. Furious, the crime boss pulls out a revolver and puts it to the deaf accountant's head, screaming at the lawyer, "Ask him again where my money is!"
"Okay!Okay!" the deaf accountant signs back.
"The money's hidden behind the old tool shed in my back yard."
"What did he say?" demands the enraged crime boss.
The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Good luck everyone!

[ardic35]

Gotta have one church joke at least. All in fun.

A Pastor was delivering a fired up sermon on drinking.
"Let's take all the beer and throw it down the river, take all the wine and throw down the river AND TAKE ALL THE WHISKY AND THROW IT DOWN RIVER!" pounding his fist on the pulpit the whole time.

The Congregation enthusiastic and fired up "Preach it, Pastor."

"Now I will ask pastor Bill to come and lead us in the closing Hymn." the pastor says calmly, with a look of satisfaction on his face, feeling he really reached his people.

Pastor bill stands.
"Please open your books to Hymn 220, SHALL WE GATHER AT THE RIVER."