Funny Quotes Time

[+Chaos]

I'm gonna start this off with a little Gem of my own.


"They say 'Work builds character' but i would rather work on building a character"

[Thorgal]

The internet is a great way to get on the net.
Bob Dole


What a funny man!

Didn't i hear i while back... Bob Dole for President ^^

Here are a few more goodies from the net...

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend.
-- Zenna Schaffer

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
-- Steve Martin

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
-- Steven Wright

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
-- W.C. Fields

Some folks are wise and some otherwise.
-- Josh Billings

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
-- Jimi Hendrix

A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
-- Unknown

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
-- Samuel Palmer

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.
-- Mae West

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
-- Marty Feldman

[Old Remi]

"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me." - Ralph Wiggum

[anarchy]

how can a child know everything come from parents who know nothing. erm... i forget.

oxymoron: army intelligence--erm.. i forget.

[Albino]

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. -Jack Handy

[Brotherwolf]

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Unknown.

[Nezume]

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." Mario Andretti

"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal", Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment." George Carlin

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg.

[Penny]

"It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one."

Don't remember where I read that

[+Colibri]

Not a quote but still worth posting... I was just reading about water pollution, specifically about Cuyahoga River on Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuyahoga_River.

I had UOEx wiki open in the window under that... and as i closed the page on the river, my mind still trying to piece together all the info, i forgot that i had previously decided to stop reading it, and thencontinued reading (what is now a completely different page, but looked too similar for me to notice).

"There's also a Yellow Gate that leads you to our Newbie Dungeon. The monsters aren't the easiest in existence, but they won't attack you. You can kill them and they won't attack back. They will, however, attack your pets. "

Which I have, scanning thru text, interpreted as:
There's a dam called "Yellow Gate" downstream, from where the river continues to the town of Newbie Dungeon. There are some monsters in this river that can eat you.


First I was like "... wow, sounds like a dangerous place!" and then i went like "... wait a minute...".

[+Veritas]

I actually lived about 90 minutes away from there when I was in elementary school...explains a lot, right? =)

[Sethra La'vode]

"My heart is a Latin American food stall and your love is a health inspector from Zurich." Skinny Legs & All, Tom Robbins

A cannibal is someone who is fed up with people.
Tomorrow is one of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
A secret is something you tell to one person at a time.

Cannot remember where I heard these!

That was funny stuff, +Colibri, heh...+Veritas, you are quite the man of the world, huh??

[anarchy]

hahahahahaha @ Colibri glad to hear i'm not the only one that confuses things.

[Tigurius]

"It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one."

Don't remember where I read that

I think my highschool psychology textbook said that when talking about the physical blind spot caused by the optic disc on your retina.

[Golden Temptress]

Useful/Useless Quotes

* Your about as much use as a cat flap on a submarine
* Its as much use as a solar powered torch
* Don't steal. The government hates competition.
* He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia.
* Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.
* The Vending Machine Theory : "Stuff tastes better when it falls".
* Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* Coffee just isn't my cup of tea.